I am damaged beyond repair,
Breathing with an empty heart,
Pumped by God dancing in White Coat.
Dance no more and
Let Me Go
To my own rhythm and rhyme:
I have been dead a long time.
I am more than just a beating heart!
Note: This poem was written after I met a paralyzed man. This is not about me but the issues raised in our conversation.
I glimpsed behind this Curtain
and saw that there was no Curtain:
My grandma was with me all along.
She said, “Good to see you my Son. Now go back to the world.”
I did not want to:
We spoke without our lips moving,
our hearts under the warmth of the Mother:
Peace and Serenity all around.
“Why leave this bliss? Why go back to the world? No!”,
I cried like the child I used to be.
But I awoke:
without the curtain or my Beloved.
I had an accident. I was back in this world.
Lost
I walked to the store,
In longing to buy what I had lost.
Though I found it was not there,
So I ran back in agony.
Then I realized that what I had lost would never come back,
Though that was not up to my deciding.
I walked to the store everyday,
Looking blissfully at the shelf where what I had lost would have been.
One day I got lost too,
And saw my loved ones checking everyday if I was on that shelf,
Though of course I was not.
One day my loved ones got lost as well,
And their loved ones came to see if they were on the shelf.
The I truly did realize that once we were lost once,
We were lost forever.
And that was the circle of life.
You are a whore to men
women and children too;
Been a lover to beast and man.
Longing to belong we slept with You
in hopes and dreams of today and tomorrow.
In my childhood I gazed upon you with innocent eyes
and a child like heart wishing for things that children do
making me believe I belonged to You and You alone and You were mine.
Now I approach death and realize:
You are a whore from eternity to eternity,
a lover to both young and old,
beast and men: making them believe what they wanted to believe-
filling the void of Longing to Belong.
I approach death knowing that you will have a different lover at your bedside.
But I am not alone in this: many others have passed before me and many more will follow.
The fault is mine: I presumed You to be mine,
an Eternal companion:
Instead You are a whore to every One.
Yet I believe in you still and thank you for this gift which You enjoyed with Me
while I slept with You Longing to Belong.
It is unfair that the faithful companion should die while the whore remains!
Yet You were honest in Your Treachery as I was naive in my love:
You had said it all along: “Everyone will perish except the face of God.”
The illusion of time heals all wounds:
I am sorry for My Anger, My Friend:
I climbed from earth towards heaven gazing at Your Face
and I tumbled and fell to the pith below both Heaven & Earth
where darkness and despair prevails.
I cannot fathom why, my Lord, I hear your voice where darkness is intense
and yet you do not hold my hand and lift me out the pith of darkness and despair?
The Spirit Spoke:
I am caterpillar who wants to be a butterfly:
You are the metamorphosis.
I created You in My Image:
We lift each other out of darkness into Light.
Your joys and pains are mine:
Yet You are Not Me and I am Not You:
I am the First & the Last,
The Living God who, one day,
You will meet with a content soul on the day
when the Object will exist without a shadow:
I, without an Image.
As the night covers this day
and almost all light is gone,
voices become distant and only murmurs and footsteps can be heard-
Lost dreams are remembered and I know:
Death came long before my end.
You are a whore to men
women and children too;
Been a lover to beast and man.
Longing to belong we slept with You
in hopes and dreams of today and tomorrow.
In my childhood I gazed upon you with innocent eyes
and a child like heart wishing for things that children do
making me believe I belonged to You and You alone and You were mine.
Now I approach death and realize:
You are a whore from eternity to eternity,
a lover to both young and old,
beast and men: making them believe what they wanted to believe-
filling the void of Longing to Belong.
I approach death knowing that you will have a different lover at your bedside.
But I am not alone in this: many others have passed before me and many more will follow.
The fault is mine: I presumed You to be mine,
an Eternal companion:
Instead You are a whore to every One.
Yet I believe in you still and thank you for this gift which You enjoyed with Me
while I slept with You Longing to Belong.
It is unfair that the faithful companion should die while the whore remains!
Yet You were honest in Your Treachery as I was naive in my love:
You had said it all along: “Everyone will perish except the face of God.”
An Apology & God’s Reply:
I am sorry for My Anger, My Friend:
I climbed from earth towards heaven gazing at Your Face
and I tumbled and fell to the pith below both Heaven & Earth
where darkness and despair prevails.
I cannot fathom why, my Lord, I hear your voice where darkness is intense
and yet you do not hold my hand and lift me out the pith of darkness and despair?
God’s reply:
I am caterpillar who wants to be a butterfly:
You are the metamorphosis.
I created You in My Image:
We lift each other out of darkness into Light.
Your joys and pains are mine:
Yet You are Not Me and I am Not You:
I am the First & the Last,
The Living God who, one day,
You will meet with a content soul on the day
when the Object will exist without a shadow:
I, without an Image.
I see:
Children- just living in the moment with
the promise of a future;
I remember:
the embrace of my parents,
the joys and pains of my brothers and sisters,
true friends, and
the pursuit of love and lust.
I am:
a husband, father, son, brother, and friend.
Along this journey, I have been part of something Holy and Beautiful. It is as if I have seen the Thousand Faces of God.
Yet I know that I have not seen God: our childhood passes, our youth does not last and our children grow up. This world is a house of endings and everything comes to an end except
our constant gaze towards the Beautiful, wondering “What Now!”.
God has eluded us in Plain Sight.
This is the meaning of the paradox: “He is Manifest and Hidden.”
The Conscience 